It's October 26th again.

Today it has been 13 years since my brother's horrific accident. I have a heavy heart thinking about more time without my big bro 0n earth.

But God is still God.

I love you, Lane! Pray for me that God will be merciful and let me be with you again someday so you can make me laugh again and we can worship Him together.

Pray for your fam, too. They miss you. They need you.

Blog Day #1

A new day has dawned. Sort of. I am attempting my first day of blogging. My dusty hard-bound dictionary doesn't even contain the word "blog" in it. Nonetheless, here I am, giving it a try. I'm not sure why anyone would want to read my thoughts, but here am I in the mix anyway.

I think I used to be a fairly good writer. It was in the last few months that -- because I write so rarely -- I realized I lost my edge in being clever or noteworthy. Mostly, I have been the grammar/spelling checker for others' writings. Even with that, I am inconsistent. It's as though grammar rules change. I know they don't; I just keep re-learning them.

Ah, who cares? Back in the day . . . writing was my way of finding clarity in life. I still have journals filled with the ramblings of "teenage Sue." The pages are filled with adolescent, heart-felt prayers and pleadings. Poetry, too. High emotion balanced with young wisdom and faith. There are even letters to my "future husband" during the times when I was "missing him" -- whoever he would eventually be. It's all there. Later, I wrote a few notes after being married. There is a note I wrote on our airplane ride to pick up little Nicole. We hadn't met her yet. I wrote this note to tell her how much we wanted to be her mommy and daddy, no matter what life might bring. Later, I wrote notes about Katie and Sam, too. I wrote about their sweet baby ways that still melts my heart when I think about them. I didn't write often enough, though.

Funny. Life is a completely different set of circumstances now that I could never have imagined back when those yellow-paged journals began. Married for 28 years to the one who -- by just hearing his voice -- creates in me (how can I describe it?) a profound sense of oneness. I don't know how not to sound trite. I love Tim, of course. But there's a bond there that has been tried and proven worthy of the word "marriage." Time has sealed what began so long ago when two compatible kids who were "in love" decided to get married. The years have brought cherished joys, unbearable sorrows, scary and unsettling questions, laughter at countless inside jokes, growth from being young to not-so-young, and numerous average, mundane days of normal work and play. How can anyone ever think that marriage is anything less than a sacrament -- a way for God's mercy and grace to flow?

And then there are kids. The ones God entrusted to Tim and me. They, more than anyone who will ever be part of my life, have brought out my ugly worst and my all encompassing best. They have my mother's heart in the palm of their hands. I hope to write more about Nicole, Katie, and Sam. I am humbled to play a part in the lives of these three. Why would God be so gracious to me? So many moms are far superior to me -- and I DO mean that. Somehow, God allowed us -- after being married a decade -- to have children that would change our universe. I think they even changed my DNA. Now, our years with them under our roof are quickly fading. Nicole is engaged. Katie, at 17, is in college. Sam is 15 -- almost a man. Lord, have mercy on these, Your servants. My heart. My heart!

That's enough for now. More later, God willing.

Thank you, dear Lord, for the life You have given me and for the mercies of each new day.

Humbled,

C. Sue Braun